The I'm Sorry I Suck Funpage

So please don’t kill me. This is absolutely ridiculously long and contains way to many days of announcements. I’m going to go ahead and promise not to let this happen again. My computer tried to freeze when I pasted this. . . not a good sign.
http://hanszen.blogspot.com/

1. FREE Environmental Club Conference
2. Late-breaking Baker Institute Internship: Mongolia
3. ISP Guatemala SPAGHETTI DINNER
4. America Reads Student Coordinator
5. Baker Institute Energy Forum
6. Massage Lesson at Rice -- Only $5
7. SA Environmental Committee – Over-air-conditioned Buildings
8. Rice Alumni Hiring -- Summer Camp Instructor Positions
9. Take Back the Night Personal Submissions Wanted
10. Recyclemania Updates
11. Senior yearbook info
12. Job Openings at Bookstore
14. Field Goal Kicking Competition
15. Commerce as the Pathway to Health in Developing Countries: April 16 lecture by Chris Crane
16. Interfaith Dialogue Event
17. Comedy's Odd Couple
18. Representative Garnet Coleman is Visiting Rice
19. SMOG JOG
20. West Coast Swing Dancing Workshop- For beginners!!

---------------------------------------------
1. FREE Environmental Club Conference
Annual Environmental Club Conference
What a Waterful World: Blueprints for Sustainable Water Management
Saturday, March 29
9 AM - 5 PM
Wiess College Commons

Over a dozen speakers will address water issues such as climate change,
flooding, privatization, and management.

Free Breakfast and Lunch from delicious local restaurants including Hobbit Café,
California Pizza Kitchen, Thai Spice, Madras Pavilion and many more!

Questions? Contact Niki at nvonh@rice.edu
---------------------------------------------
2. Late-breaking Baker Institute Internship: Mongolia
Dear Rice Undergraduates:
The Baker Institute of Public Policy announces a funded internship
opportunity with the American Center for Mongolian Studies in Ulaan Bataarm, Mongolia. Further information on the host institute is available atwww.mongoliacenter.org.
This internship opportunity is available in fields that can be coordinated with the student's interest and expertise. Housing will be arranged through the American Center.
Should you wish to be considered for this internship, please submit your electronic application no later than April 15th to Mark Scheid (mss@rice.edu), Managing Director for Programs and International Studies at the Baker Institute

Your application should include
*a statement of purpose -- no more than 800 words -- that states how a policy related internship in Mongolia would relate to both your professional and academic goals and the development of international policy expertise at Rice University and the Baker Institute.
*an informal transcript (all materials via e-mail) and
* names and contacts for two faculty who can speak to your academic qualifications and goals.
---------------------------------------------
3. ISP Guatemala SPAGHETTI DINNER
The 2008 International Service Project group going to Guatemala is in need of your support! We will be hosting a yummy spaghetti dinner this Saturday to raise money for the trip. Instead of going out to a restaurant or spending money on pizza delivery, why not come out and eat spaghetti, pad thai, garlic bread and delicious desserts (donated from local restaurants). Tickets are 5 dollars ahead of time (find a member of the ISP group) and 7 dollars at the door. We hope to see you there!
Date: Saturday, March 29, 2008
Time: 6:00pm - 7:30pm
Location: Baker College Commons
Price: $5 beforehand, $7 at the door
---------------------------------------------
4. America Reads Student Coordinator
AMERICA READS STUDENT COORDINATOR - PAID POSITION FOR 2008-2009

The America Reads Student Coordinator is responsible for the creation, implementation, and maintenance of a federally-funded reading program in 3 community-based settings. The Student Coordinator will direct the selection, training, placement, and evaluation of 40-60 tutors and multiple tutoring sites under a budget of approximately $75,000. The position begins during the summer of 2008 (flexible start date) and continues through the 2008-2009 academic year. Ideally, the person filling this position would be able to work for multiple academic years. An average of 8-10 hours per week (flexible hours) is expected at a pay rate of $10.00/hour. The application is available on the Community Involvmement Center's web site (http://www.rice.edu/service) and due no later than 5:00pm on Wednesday, April 2. Interviews will be held Wednesday, April 9 and Thursday, April 10.
Please contact Christa Leimbach (leimbach@rice.edu / 713-348-6044) for more information or if you have any questions about the position.
---------------------------------------------
5. Baker Institute Energy Forum
The Energy Forum of the
James A. Baker III Institute for Public Policy in conjunction with
Rice University's Center for the Study of Environment and Society and the Shell Center for Sustainability
Cordially invite you to an evening seminar on
Next Century Forecasted Sea Level Rise:
What Does It Mean for Houston?
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
6:30 pm
Kelly International Conference Facility
Baker Hall
Rice University
RSVP by fax to 713.348.5993, by e-mail to bipprsvp@rice.edu or on the Web at www.bakerinstitute.org/events/sealevel before Monday, April 7.
with presentations on
"Present-Day Sea Level Rise: Current Understanding and Major Uncertainties"
Anny Cazenave, Ph.D.
Senior Scientist, Laboratoire d'Etudes en Geophysique et Oceanographie
Spatiales (LEGOS), and
Member, French Academy of Sciences

"Climate Change and its Potential Impacys on Severe Storms, Flooding, and Water Supplies"
Philip B. Bedient, Ph.D.
Herman and George R. Brown Professor of Civil Engineering, Rice University
Birnur Buzcu-Guven, Ph.D.
Research Associate, Civil Environmental Engineering, Rice University
"Getting Prepared: Policy Implications for Houston in Transportation and Other Related Issues"
Alan C. Clark
Director, Metropolitan Planning Organization, and Manager,
Transportation and Air Quality Programs,
Houston-Galveston Area Council (H-GAC)
---------------------------------------------
6. Massage Lesson at Rice -- Only $5
ORIGINALLY $35 and now only $5 for students!
Space is limited to first 12 students to respond...
What: Backrub 101 with Julia Fraser, LMT
When: Sunday, March 30th 1 - 3 PM
Where: Wellness Center (#62 on attached map)
Fee: $5 (Students), payable by check, cash or credit card at class
Save $30 off the price of earlier sessions! Take advantage of this spring time special!
Spend two hours of one evening learning skills for stress reduction and tension relief. Rice University Wellness Center's massage therapist, Julia Fraser,will teach techniques to give a great upper body massage to your friends, family and/or significant others, as well as yourself! Learn how to work out the tension before finals...
This would be a wonderful pre-graduation event to attend with your partner!
Marissa Howat, CHES
Assistant Director, Wellness Center
Rice University
PO Box 1892, MS-704
Houston, TX 77251
Email: marissah@rice.edu
Direct line: (713) 348-5105
Fax: (713) 348-5111
---------------------------------------------
7. SA Environmental Committee – Over-air-conditioned Buildings
**AC Relief**

Recently, a survey of 200 students found that over 80% believe that public buildings are over-air conditioned at least some of the time. As it begins to get hot again, we would like to remind all students that you can report overly cooled buildings instantaneously via phone. Call:
-F&E for academic buildings (713-348- ext. 2485)
-H&D for college buildings (x5445)
You can also email the Facilities Service Center at fsc@rice.edu.
Put the number in your phone so you'll have it when you need it!
-SA Environmental Committee
---------------------------------------------
8. Rice Alumni Hiring -- Summer Camp Instructor Positions
Hi,
I'm an owner of Wonder-Space Education & Technology Center, located off of Greenbriar and 59. Wonder-Space provides a "space" for minds to "wonder." We are currently seeking bright, motivated, and energetic individuals to join our summer team. Our summer team consists of camp counselors (mostly college students) who will teach technology related subjects throughout the summer (June 2 - August 22). Wonder-Space hosts a series of computer camps each summer for students aged 7-17. We have a series of courses that include:
- Game Design
- Game Modding: Half Life 2
- 3D Graphics
- Animation
- Web Design featuring Flash Animation
- Robotics (Vex Mindstorms)
- Digital Video and several other courses.
We're actively recruiting Summer Instructors to help us to run our Summer programs. Instructors should have a background in consumer computer usage and enjoy working with technology and kids. Specific skills such as Adobe Photoshop, MS Office Suite, Programming, Half Life 2 Gaming, and Web Design are a plus, however unnecessary. We are looking for enthusiastic individuals who like to teach and are willing to learn about new topics! We provide all of your training. Work in a small business atmosphere. We are highly entrepreneurial and we work together in small groups so that everyone's ideas are always expressed. There are significant opportunities for future growth with the company including serving as a director in future Summers and even full time positions during the Academic Year. The ideal candidate will be able to gain a lot of business, technical, and educational experience out of this Summer. We are looking for great people to receive a GREAT summer experience and take it on with them to their work environments. Self starters, and leaders need apply! Some of our past instructors have gone on to work at NASA, Nvidia, EA (game design), and other great places. Camp is located in Houston Texas and runs for 11 weeks. Positions run through the middle of August. Salary ranges from $9-15/hr depending on experience and course difficulty. Plenty of bonus opportunities to earn more money!!
Job Requirements:
Majors : Electrical and/or Computer Engineering, Computer Science, Natural Sciences, Mechanical Engineering, Bioengineering, Civil Engineering, Chemical Engineering, Materials Science, Mathematics, Statistics, Physics, non technical majors with interest in technology
Each instructor is expected to have working knowledge of any of the following topics:
(1) Object Oriented Programming--Java/C++
(2) Graphics/Animation
(3) Robotics VEX Mindstorms
(4) Web Design featuring Flash
(5) Gaming Experience and Design
(6) Digital Video Production
(7) General Computer Knowledge--Keyboarding, MS Office, etc.
Candidate need not have extensive knowledge of each topics but must be willing to learn and teach about those topics. We can train you. We are more interested in smart individuals who enjoy teaching and spending time with like-minded young people ( i.e. high school and middle school students). Gaming experience (Half Life 2, Unreal Tournament, etc.) is a plus as we have regular gaming tournaments at camp. Our students love to play games, and a large portion of our courses focus on Game Development. No need for game development skills, just an interest in gaming is sufficient. Network experience is also a plus. Non Technical majors are also invited to apply.
Please send resume along with a couple paragraphs describing why you want to be a camp instructor and why you would be a great counselor. Be sure to include major, relevant courses taken, past work experience, and GPA in your resume. Also, take a look at the courses we offer and let me know which you think you are able to teach or would like to learn more about.
Courses offered: http://www.summer.wonder-space.com/courses.php
Send resume and paragraph to josefa@wonder-space.com Check out www.summer.wonder-space.com for more information.
Thanks, hope to meet some of you guys soon!
Josefa Marquez
Director, Wonder-Space
Hanszen/Martel '02
josefa@wonder-space.com
---------------------------------------------
9. Take Back the Night Personal Submissions Wanted
Back the Night is looking for submissions of personal stories to be read at a speak out on April 9th.
We are looking for stories that bring out of darkness and into light issues of sexual violence or assault that college students experience. Stories can be short or longer and may be in various forms: poetry, narrative, speech, etc. Stories can be read at the speak-out either by the writer or by a Take Back the Night volunteer. All stories will be kept anonymous. Email all submissions to sdesai@rice.edu
The missions of Take Back the Night is to create a place free from sexual assault and violence and to promote a world where sexual violence does not occur. Take Back the Night takes a stand against all forms of sexual violence and breaks the silence surrounding these events. For more information, visit www.takebackthenight.org
If you are interested in helping with Take Back the Night in any way, email nancyo@rice.edu
---------------------------------------------
10. Recyclemania Updates
Hi everyone -
Through 7 weeks of competition, here's the latest on RecycleMania:
Per Capita Paper Recycling - 24 out of 130 - FANTASTIC!
Per Capita - all recyclables - 69 out of 142 - So we're in the upper half...
Waste minimization - 45 out of 78 - this is total waste in lbs per person.
Grand champion - total recycling rate as a % - 56 out of 74
Gorilla Prize - total weight of all recyclables - 69 out of 159 – Given our small size, this is good.
Cheers,
+Richard
rrj@rice.edu
---------------------------------------------
11. Senior yearbook info
Important reminder about yearbook things!
1. Senior Portraits DEADLINE APRIL 1st!
Please, please submit a photo of yourself (preferably digital) via website, or drop it off at the Campanile office. The photo should be vertical in format, at least 4x5" on print, 300dpi digitally. Please include your name and college.
Submit your photo at http://ricecampanile.com/upload/photo/
2. Senior Cards due APRIL 1st
You have your very own FREE block of space to use as you please. Use words, pictures, drawings, whatever (as long as it's not copywrited).
Check out the back of previous yearbooks for examples.
Submit your card at http://ricecampanile.com/upload/card
More info about cards and portraits at http://ricecampanile.com
3. Pick up your yearbooks!
They're totally free, and you can come pick up books for the last 3
years in the Campanile office (2nd floor, stairwell by the info desk).
That would rock.
Questions? E-mail yearbook@rice.edu
---------------------------------------------
12. Job Openings at Bookstore
Hello,
I just wanted to send a note to students about jobs at the bookstore. I'm not sure if anyone is interested, but we really could use a few good students!
I appreciate any help I can get!
Thanks,
Tim Jackson
Bookstore Advisory:
The bookstore is looking for some part-time help. We will work around your college schedules! We are open from 9-5, and can offer 10-20 hours a week Its a great job if your looking for some weekend money!
---------------------------------------------
14. Field Goal Kicking Competition
The 2008 Football team and Coach David Bailiff are hosting a field goal kicking competition at halftime of the spring scrimmage. The word is out but we want to make sure every student knows how to sign up if they are interested.
-Spring Scrimmage is SATURDAY, MARCH 29, 5:00P.M.
-9 participants will be selected to participate in the field goal kick competition (one from each college)
-To sign up you must email your name, contact number and college to OwlExtra@rice.edu
-The names will be divided by college and then the participants will be drawn THURSDAY night and announced in an email Friday morning. Each selected participant will also receive a phone call!
THE PRIZES ARE AWESOME:
FIRST PLACE: A trip with the team to an away football game in the 2008 season. All transportation, lodging and food included.
SECOND PLACE: Guest coach for a home game
THIRD PLACE: Autographed team football
We hope you all take advantage of this opportunity and GOOD LUCK!!!
GO OWLS!!!
---------------------------------------------
15. Commerce as the Pathway to Health in Developing Countries: April 16 lecture by Chris Crane
2008 Global Health Technology Speaker Series: Global Health, Opportunities and Empowerment
On behalf of Beyond Traditional Borders, Rice 360°, and the Jones Graduate School of Management, you are invited to
Commerce as the Pathway to Health in Developing Countries
a lecture by
Chris Crane
President and CEO
Opportunity International
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
6:00 PM
Shell Auditorium
McNair Hall
Rice University
Reception and poster session to follow in the Jones Graduate School of Management Executive Commons. This event is free and open to the public.
---------------------------------------------
16. Interfaith Dialogue Event
Come to the Rice Interfaith Dialogue Association’s (RIDA) first event!! Dr. Y. Alp Aslandogan will speak about the importance of interfaith dialogue in today’s day and age, and there will be free and delicious Turkish FOOD!!!
When: Wednesday, April 2, 2008 from 8-9pm
Where: Sammy’s, RMC
Who: YOU!!!
What: an interesting speaker and FREE FOOD
Why: to learn more about the significance of interfaith dialogue and about RIDA
This club is starting afresh, so I NEED OFFICERS. If you are interested, please contact me through email (sws2@rice.edu) AND come this event!!
Thank you for your time!
---------------------------------------------
17. Comedy's Odd Couple
Imagine top-notch comedy, two seasoned performers with unique “hooks,” and beneath it all, an implicit but not preachy message of healing and understanding.
Who: 1 Muslim (Azhar Usman) + 1 Jew(Bob Alper)
What: A night of stand-up comedy
Where: Baker College Commons
When: Tuesday, April 8th, @ 8:00 PM (but the doors open at 7:45)
Tickets: None. Just bring your Rice ID.
Contact: 713-526-4918, www.houstonhillel.org; msa@rice.edu
Sponsored by: Houston Hillel: Fdn for Jewish Campus Life, Rice Muslim Students Association, Boniuk Center for Religious Tolerance
See attached flyer and go to http://www.facebook.com/event.php?
eid=9780756623&ref=mf.
---------------------------------------------
18. Representative Garnet Coleman is Visiting Rice
Come hear the Congressman speak about health issues affecting women of color in Texas!
Date: Thursday, March 27, 2008
Time: 7:00pm - 8:00pm
Location: Rayzor 106
The Black Student Association, Rice Pre-Medical Society, College Democrats of America - Rice Chapter, and Rice for Choice are hosting State Representative Garnet F. Coleman for a discussion of health issues affecting women of color in Texas. Representative Coleman will share with Rice students his personal and legislative experiences related to a variety of women's health issues, including reproductive health. Our event does not seek to take a particular stance on any political issues nor have a distinctly partisan tone, as many of the groups involved in sponsoring the event are inherently apolitical in nature. Still, this event will enable many students to interact with Rep. Coleman, who represents the 134th District (which includes Rice University) of the Texas House of Representatives. We hope to benefit from exposure to his observations and opinions about policies related to women's health in our state based on his experience serving on the House Public Health Committee.
---------------------------------------------
19. SMOG JOG
Each year, 144 lung cancer deaths and 1,791 heart attacks in Texas are attributable to power plant pollution.
Studies in California have demonstrated that for a commuter who drives 1.5 hours a day, 50-60 percent of his or her exposure to known carcinogens occurs while commuting.
The Rice Environmental Club will do a SMOG JOG to remind Houston drivers of the numerous human health and environmental impacts of our huge consumption of fossil fuels. We will urge commuters to take advantage of more sustainable forms of transportation such as carpooling, fuel-efficient vehicles, and public transportation.
WHAT: SMOG JOG – march and rally on Main Street
WHEN: 5:30-6:30 PM, Tuesday, April 1, 2008 (April Fools Day)
WHERE: Main Street between MacGregor St. and Mecom Fountain. Meet by Main Street outside Sid Rich.
Join us in urging Houston to work for a clean and healthy future!
Questions? Email kleu@rice.edu
---------------------------------------------
20. West Coast Swing Dancing Workshop- For beginners!!
LEARN TO DANCE for FREE!
West Coast Swing is one of the most fun and versatile social dances. It can be danced to almost any music ranging from hip hop to blues. On Sunday April 6th (the sunday of Spring Recess) there will be a FREE west coast swing workshop for beginners taught by a professional dancer Ben Hooten. Ben is 22 years old and has been dancing for 13 years.
No Partner necessary! Bring your friends! FREE!!
Where: Grand Hall in the RMC
When: Sunday April 6th
3:00-4:30: Lesson
4:30-5:30: Free Dancing

So Congratutlations if you reached the end of this so enjoy a little something funny, in my opinion.
1. Congratulations China!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nJ4K0hHin9s
2. The LOL Cat of the Day
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-kitten-wont-drink-kestone-light-beer.jpg
3. xkcd on fruit
http://xkcd.com/388/
4. End of the World (I would say I have a responsibility to make sure every one of you has seen this)
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/end

I look like a raccoon right now because my sharpie Harry Potter glasses didn’t quite wash off from the wooing party. I do not have two black eyes. These were the work of Aslan aka Kate Coley

In Mike and Casey We Trust