The Backpage... ONLINE!

Yo. If you actually read this thing, here's a little gift for you... the last Backpage of the semester! Also, if you actually read this thing, tell us so we can know to like you better. Also, get a life.

Classes are ending, finals are starting soon, and we all know what that means:
The Backpage’s Fall 2008 in Review!
BY THE NUMBERS:
12: Number of all-nighters Will Randall has pulled due to his crippling iPhone addiction
7: Number of girls Samuel Hile has “played the piano” for
73: Number of paper extensions Kate Coley has asked for
2: Number of Hanszen seniors hooking up with a freshman (at least)
10: Number of O-Week lunches Michael Bartrip “missed”/refused to go to
1: Number of freshman who transferred to Wiess before Fall Break
25: Number of cabinets Abbie led while intoxicated
0: Number of Cabinets Karen wore her onesie to (just wait…)
1,009:Collective number of purity points lost by Hanszen’s freshman

Things to look forward to next semester:
Study Abroad-ers: some will be returning, and some will be leaving (which is more exciting?)
New classes to fall asleep during… Spring Baseball…Karen Gerken’s Half-Birthday… Swim Meets (hint hint)…Spring Break… A New Cabinet… George Bush leaving office… O-Week excitement beginning again… The Return of Warm Weather … BEER BIKE!… Graduation!

And, on a more serious note…Mer Bates is turning 21 on Tuesday. Since her friends are lame and couldn’t coordinate a party before she went home, here are 21 facts that prove Mer is awesome!

1. She survived a killer caterpillar attack
2. She can play the cello better than Yo Yo Ma
3. She is an amazing text messenger, even while intoxicated
4. She is very knowledgeable about dinosaurs, but only when intoxicated
5. Her music praising cult leaders has won international acclaim
6. Her smile stops children from crying
7. She recently fled her Amish homeland and they really want her back
8. She can be a vegetarian whenever, wherever
9. Her laugh is almost as potent as Mary Draper’s
10. Mer + Mario Kart = watch out, awesomeness ahead
11. She can speak 65 languages fluently
12. Chuck Norris is afraid of her
13. She makes very good “that’s what she said” jokes
14. Not even Adriene’s photoshop skills can make her look bad
15. She once led a marriage ceremony of two rubber balls… in Hebrew… with dancing
16. She can pull off the 80’s one-piece jumpsuit named Jackie look like no one else
17. She can play MmmBop on her cello
18. Kristi may be able to see the future, but Mer can change it whenever she wants
19. She is always honest, never misleading, and never takes advantage of her gullible friends
20. She can talk to animals
21. Even her male alter-ego is incredibly good looking

Happy Birthday MER!


xoxo,
Karen "I hope this works" Gerken